Why It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

I hope to put your mind a bit more at ease with this post. Looking inside oneself can be a most humbling thing to do, let alone looking deeply at our environment and reality. But, if we don’t, we can’t determine what’s not working and what needs to be changed. And we most certainly won’t be able to make changes to our own behaviors or beliefs that contribute to why our lives aren’t better, if we don’t take responsibility for ourselves.

But, somewhere along the way, when we’ve had enough, we set into motion new possibilities and if we make purposeful changes, our life will take a turn into a new and better direction. So, if this is a good thing, why do we feel worse instead of better?

Becoming aware is like shining a spot light on what’s not working and this can trigger the negative emotions that go with to a heightened state, which is why we might feel worse at first. But, if we hang in there and don’t panic and understand that this awareness will be our purpose for moving in a new direction, we can soon begin to feel a better sense of control. And that sense of control is exactly what we need to make changes.

Making changes in our lives sometimes looks messy because it disrupts habits, wether they are how we behave, how others behave, or even unconscious habits that have been derailing us for who knows how long. Change is a disruptor, even when it’s for the good. And we need to understand this so we don’t jump ship when it gets uncomfortable. Because even though the roommate inside our head desperately wants us to rescue her, she will most likely be reluctant to change simply because she has to put some energy into it. As much as we hate to admit it, habits, even negative ones, are easier to do simply because it’s become muscle memory and we don’t have to think too much to do them.

So, creating new changes is going to get messy. We might doubt ourselves that we can do it. We might self sabotage ourselves so we don’t have to. And we might even make things worse because we are afraid we can’t do it, so we destroy our own chance of success, so we don’t have to say we failed trying. 

This is where you can stay, if you so choose. In the endless cycle of hopelessness, or you can begin by allowing yourself to stick your toe into the discomfort of change a little at a time, so you can begin to acclimate to each new decision you make toward a better future. 

This type of change may require a season of mourning. A time to reflect what could have been and wasn’t. An acknowledgment to a deep loss that should never have been ours to deal with. And when we sit in the loss without running from all the emotions that comes with, we build our resilience to the discomfort and we become stronger. Our sense of purpose for something better grows and when the season of mourning begins to soften we grow into appreciation for what it gave us and we continue to move forward without the need to go back.

The messy becomes valuable because it strengthens our resolve to get up and out of it. And if it wasn’t messy or uncomfortable, our desire to change wouldn’t become so strong.  And we need this driving force to be a catalyst for something more beautiful. 

So, when you look into the mirror and choose your future self, I hope you remember to never lose sight of who you want to become. How you want to show up in this world can be in any form, but it is my greatest hope that you nurture the roommate inside your head into a beautiful being full of light and love that darkness could not hold down.

You will make it. Just take one purposeful step at a time. Even if you fail, use that time to rest and recalibrate your footsteps and then get back up again and try again. You will get better at it. And never, ever give up. You were created for more. You were designed to be a warrior. And a most beautiful one. So, let your light so shine and show the world how it can be done. You don’t need a super hero cape, you don’t need an medal, you just need to do it so that you can show someone else one day how it’s done. 

And all along, Jesus will be with you. Loving you. Beckoning you to believe in yourself and his constant presence and his unfailing peace. This is where time with him each day is invaluable. Believe in who you are to him, so that you can believe in who you are for yourself. You are worth it and he wants you to know this.

Embrace the messy and find out what you are made of. You got this!