IMPOSTER SYNDROME

While I was doing the research for this project, I chose to revisit my past so I could remember what I might have needed at that time when I was feeling so lost. I didn’t think teaching from just a healed position was going to be helpful to other women who might be feeling lost right now. So, I spent many mornings taking a walk down memory lane, only it wasn’t toward anything pleasant. And though this was helpful, I found I then had to use the tools I teach to return to a safe and positive mindset. It showed me two powerful ideas. The first being, that the tools work once we understand the need and how to use them and practice them often. This helped me recover mentally and emotionally more quickly than I once was able. And the second, that we will indeed be less happy if we wallow in the negativity. My return visits often triggered tears at the memory of the losses, but I was also able to gently remind myself that my heart was now safe. Knowing safety was with God at that moment and that goodness was waiting for me after these recalls were over, gave me the courage and confidence to continue to revisit the past.

But, I realized the more I did this exercise, thinking it was necessary, I was also beginning to slide back into a negative mindset and less able to fully recover. Somewhere along the line, I began to feel less than myself again. I was finding myself groping for reassurance and then the old and familiar feeling returned that I wasn’t good enough, and most certainly not qualified to teach this course. This is when imposter syndrome hit me. And it came from angles I never knew existed. I even felt the desire to give up and quit working on this course.

This is what can happen when we choose to focus on the negativity and it caused me to need to take a break from working on my project so I could remember who I was again. This doesn’t mean what I teach doesn’t work, it’s actually the opposite. I was doing really well and still am, but the very fact that I chose to go back into the past often caused my brain to develop negative neuropathways again, or perhaps wake up dormant ones. The point is, had I chosen to just live my life and not create this course, I would not have fallen prey to the lies again. But, I thought it was important because I had forgotten so much of what had happened and I didn’t want to sound insensitive to someone struggling now. I thought my teachings might lack empathy and compassion and authenticity. 

The good news is that I know how to move toward the light again. I have the tools and back to practicing them again. And though the work on the courses continues, I am making a promise to myself that the foundational course will be the only course I teach that will use exercises of revisiting the past as a way to root out what doesn’t belong in our minds. Any courses that follow will only focus on the positivity. This now makes perfect sense, to myself anyway, as to why The Faithful Mindset foundational course is required to complete before joining any other courses. We must dig out the negativity before we can bask in the joy and hope of the positivity. If you take the other courses without, then those things of the past will still be circling like vultures ready to devour your real identity as a daughter of the Almighty King. And I don’t believe for a moment that that is what God intends for us to do with our precious life.

Now I can see and accept that the revisits were necessary after all, so that I myself could be reminded that the work I have done for myself and for those who struggle works and is worth it. If I can help just one person recover from the lies, the heartbreak, the disappointment so they can live their best life, then it will have been meant to be. But, most of all, I want to instill the importance of walking this journey with Jesus because our strength comes from him. The grace and forgiveness we need to give ourselves and perhaps others on this journey is much more meaningful when it comes from a heart that surrenders to God and seeks the empowering life He offers us.

Yes, these tools work, but we can’t do it alone and we can’t just sit and pray. I am an even bigger believer now. And the recovery a second time, so to speak, just might be the inspiration I needed to finish this course. 

It is my greatest hope that you allow patience, practice and prayer to become a part of your life, everyday. You will get through whatever holds you back and it will get easier. Just promise to give yourself grace as you focus on truths, positivity and Jesus. This also strengthens your ability to trust in Him and the lag time so that you will see the fruits of your labor.

Feeling like an imposter on occasion gives us opportunity to practice overcoming, which will indeed make us stronger. It’s just another temporary fall that we can get back up from because we are warriors in the making.

Stay faithful. You weren’t just created to survive, you were designed to thrive. So, rise again.